Life can feel like an amusement park!
Up, up, up and up, round and round, spinning fast, then slowing down, dropping hard and swinging upside down!
One minute, you’re cruising along as a Mom, doing all the Mom things—band-aids, birthday cakes, carpools, practices, late dinners, late practices, spending hours out on the field or at the swimming pool or river, in my case—going a little hoarse from all the cheering. Then, suddenly, they’re off and running with their own lives, doing all the things they’re supposed to do! You’re proud, excited, and joyful for them, but then you look around and think,
“Well, fuck . . . what now?”
Maybe you find yourself channeling all that caregiving energy into everyone and everything else—working more, volunteering more, and making sure there’s no time left for you to sit and feel. It’s a lot to manage.
We often hear that we need to find balance, but balance is challenging to achieve. In my opinion, it doesn’t even exist in our human schedules. And even when you manage to strike what might feel like a momentary perfect balance, it’s only a matter of time before something comes along to throw everything off again.
That’s when I began to understand:
Life isn’t about keeping everything perfectly balanced.
Instead, it’s about weaving all the pieces together in a way that works for you. That’s where integration comes in.
What’s the Difference?
Balance suggests that everything in our lives should be evenly distributed—equal parts work, family, self-care, hobbies, etc. But life isn’t a perfectly balanced scale. Life changes. Priorities and values shift.
It’s all part of the dance we do every day.
Integration, on the other hand, is about bringing together all the different aspects of your life in a way that feels natural and sustainable — It’s about recognizing that some days, work will take more of your time, while other days, family or self-care might be the priority. Integration allows for flexibility and adaptability, making it a more realistic and fulfilling approach in the long run.
My Own Journey with Integration
When my kids first left home, I was caught off guard. Suddenly, I had all this time and space I wasn’t used to, and it felt unsettling. To avoid feeling sad or lonely, I started filling my time with "busyness"—working more, taking on more projects—anything to keep from slowing down and confronting those feelings. I kept myself moving, focusing on tasks rather than taking a moment to "smell the lavender" (I am not big fan of roses).
Over time, I realized that this constant busyness wasn’t helping me feel any better—it was just a way to avoid what I really needed to address. And that was getting to know my husband again as a couple instead of who we were as a kickass parenting tag-team! I am happy to say that eventually, Scott and I found a new rhythm, a new pace and emotional that works for us. We fill that space with activities and moments that bring us joy and fulfillment like hiking, biking, pickleball, whitewater rafting and theater — not all at once and with plenty of time in between.
And then just when I thought I had it all figured out, those empty nest heartstrings got tugged again! With my oldest son’s wedding coming up in October, I’ve been hit with a flood of emotions and this Mama Bear is having all the feels!
It’s another new level of the process that I was not expecting and I see it as a reminder of the importance of staying flexible and embracing the flow of life.
So, how do you start creating this integrated life?
Here are a few tips that have helped me along the way:
Check In with Yourself Regularly: Life changes, and so do your needs and priorities. Make it a habit to reflect on where you are and what’s important to you right now. This doesn’t need to be a formal process—just a few minutes with a journal or a quiet moment with your thoughts can make a big difference.
Set Boundaries That Serve You: Boundaries aren’t just about saying "no" to others—they’re about saying "yes" to yourself. Figure out what you need to protect your energy and make it happen. Maybe that means setting specific work hours, carving out time for a hobby you love, or simply turning off your phone for a while.
Embrace Flexibility: Plans will change, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to adjust without feeling guilty. Life isn’t about sticking rigidly to a schedule; it’s about flowing with what comes your way.
Celebrate the Small Wins: Integration isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about the little things that add up. Maybe you managed to fit in a workout, or you spent quality time with a loved one. Whatever it is, take a moment to appreciate it.
Creating an integrated life isn’t about perfection; it’s about finding what works for you.
Think of it as blending all the different parts of your life into something that feels good, even if it doesn’t look "balanced" from the outside.
Today, I encourage you to take five minutes to reflect on how you can start weaving your own life together in a way that feels right. Remember, this journey is uniquely yours, and there’s no wrong way to do it.
Cut yourself some slack, embrace the flow, and keep moving forward—you’re doing great.
Until next time, keep finding your groove, and don’t forget to enjoy the ride.
Stay strong! Stay vibrant!
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